the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
