Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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