drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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