I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
