I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize