speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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