i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize