not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
