11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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