So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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