everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
