I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
