he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
