Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
