that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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