which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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