I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
