"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
