hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
