btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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