I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
why do cheetos always look like penises
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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