Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
