This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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