I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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