at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
