So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
