Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
