So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
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