last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
