What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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