i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
