i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
