I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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