even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
