You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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