Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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