Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
there is glitter all over my balls
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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