Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
