Please, let me fuck your mom
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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