you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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