I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
