I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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