By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
do herpes really smell.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
