I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
