so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
