after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize