I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
