Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
