According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
