I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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