Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
