Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
