when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
