Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Someone shattered a urinal.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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