I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
