Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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