I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
