Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize