My room smells like vodka and shame
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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