He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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