xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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