I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize